Business "buzz" words - Ferrari Life
 
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post #1 of 9 Old 03-19-2012, 01:48 AM Thread Starter
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Business "buzz" words

I imagine we all experience this one occasionally, that is to say hear meaningless verbage in meetings. I enclose a few below I have enjoyed recently. Anyone have any others?

Happy driving

Boon

Business“buzz” words

“used my sales skills in an overindulgent manner on occasion”
- They meant they lied

“There was somefrustration.”
- I was absolutely furious.

“The legal agreement is splash proof.”
- The legal agreement will withstand a cursory inspection but may not with stand formal legal action.

“socialise areport”
- Distribute a report

"reshape our team"
- description of making a large number of staff redundant

"We‘flexxed’ our other relationships to extend us cash."
- we bullied our other banks for loans

“they strengthened their capital base and adjusted valuations.”
- They took a huge write-down.

And my favourite.....

“pre-revenue”
- A promoter of a new product without asingle customer was described as "pre-revenue", optimistically implying that sales were inevitable
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post #2 of 9 Old 03-19-2012, 02:41 AM
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"The synergies will make this acquisition profitable."

Meaning: We're buying dead meat.

Salve,
Capo

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The good news: I'm the pilot

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post #3 of 9 Old 03-19-2012, 02:46 AM
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"Let's hold our fire and give the guy a fair chance to meet his budget."

Meaning: Let's lose time and money.

Salve,
Capo

The bad news: Time flies
The good news: I'm the pilot

You cannot make life longer but you can make it wider and higher.
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post #4 of 9 Old 03-19-2012, 02:54 AM
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"I couldn't delegate the running of my company coz it would all capsize without me."

Meaning: I'm a sh1t recruiter.

Salve,
Capo

The bad news: Time flies
The good news: I'm the pilot

You cannot make life longer but you can make it wider and higher.
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post #5 of 9 Old 03-19-2012, 05:16 AM
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My favorite is "out of the box thinking"

Meaning someone is apologetically stating in advance for being extremely stupid

They are absolutely clueless and not wanting any attribution if there is fact-based disagreement
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post #6 of 9 Old 03-19-2012, 05:18 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by il Capolino View Post
Meaning: I'm a sh1t recruiter and suffer delusions of grandeur.
"This is not a democracy."

Meaning: this is a dictatorship.

"You need to manage your time"

Meaning: we don't care that you are working 22 hours a day and that we call you every day during your leave.

"We want to make better use of your core skills"

Meaning: you are being demoted because they couldn't find a decent replacement after you left your old position.



Onno



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post #7 of 9 Old 03-19-2012, 05:40 AM
 
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From past performance reviews I've had:

"You need to do a better job of leveraging relationships"
meaning: We really want you to only purchase from the guys who corporate likes.


and my favorite:
"You lack a certain moral flexibility"
meaning: can't you lie, cheat and steal a little more?
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post #8 of 9 Old 03-19-2012, 09:58 AM
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post #9 of 9 Old 03-19-2012, 09:59 AM
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i'll get more from my wife. she works for the government and slides this nonsense unknowingly into our conversations all the time. drives me batty(crazy).



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