Ultimate Renewable Energy Source - Ferrari Life
 
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post #1 of 9 Old 06-10-2009, 11:02 PM Thread Starter
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Ultimate Renewable Energy Source

The world is screaming for alternative energy sources that are renewable. No nukes, no damming of the rivers, coal is out, oil is out too. What's left? Baby power! As soon as a baby learns to crawl put them on a hamster wheel hooked up to a generator. Problem solved. 2 or 3 babies should be able to power all the lights in 1 household. Nobody likes nuclear waste right? Well only men hate baby waste. Women seem to love changing baby diapers and don't mind the waste at all. We could have thousands of baby power plants staffed by women. Food in, fertilizer out. The ultimate green and renewable energy source. Nobody likes mining for coal but everybody seems to like making babies. World energy crisis averted!

Worried about the food crisis? Ask me about Soylent Green.

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post #2 of 9 Old 06-11-2009, 12:03 AM
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Pete, in theory it's a great solution. Just a couple of problems in the UK as the socialist government and Eurocrats have brought in a raft of pointless regulation to prevent exploitation of minors and to protect the other socialist voting workers:
Minimum working age of 14 and max working week of 16 hours if under 16 yrs old.
National minimum wage of approx 7 per hour
Maximum working week of 48 hours for anyone over 16 yrs.
Plus a whole host of Health & Safety laws which means a complete risk assessment must be carried out. For example if the baby decides to stop crawling and the hamster wheel keeps spinning and the baby goes to the top and falls down and kills itself, the boss of the power plant could be guilty of corporate manslaughter. Might need to hook up some kind of harness to prevent this

And what do you do with the babies when they turn into teenagers and refuse to work, get out of bed, and just spend the whole time grunting?

Archie

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post #3 of 9 Old 06-11-2009, 12:50 AM
 
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there's also the fact that diapers ARE nuclear waste
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post #4 of 9 Old 06-11-2009, 07:52 AM Thread Starter
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The harness is a good idea Archie. Also, you can get around the whole labor law thing by not calling it "Work". Call it a baby fitness center and charge a moderate fee for the middle class parent to drop off their baby for the day.

As for what to do with them when they grow up, hmmm, we could make teenage size hamster wheel generators and paint 'em up all hippie or rapper or gangsta like and tell the teenagers that they're not allowed to be on them because they are not an adult yet and hire some bouncers that would "let them sneak in".

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post #5 of 9 Old 06-11-2009, 10:39 AM
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Some good answers there Pete, and with a bit more work we could have a great business plan.

Babies - as we charge the parents for a baby exercise class, we don't need to worry about what to do with them when they are toilet trained. We just market it as a baby exercise class for babies from 6 months to 2 yrs old. When they have out lived their usefulness, we don't have to worry about the human rights brigade because we just tell the parents they cant bring them anymore. As you said earlier, there will always be a renewable supply of babies, and if for some reason there is a shortage of sperm donors to fertilise the babies mother, I'm sure you will help out

I don't think that the radio active daiper waste is too much of a problem, we just tell the mothers that they have to bag it up and take it home with them.

Older kids and teenagers - I think we could market this as a funfair or amusement arcade, we could put flashing lights and sirens and maybe a video screen playing their favorite music on the hamster wheel and charge kids $5 for 2 minutes in the wheel. To make sure we get a good supply of recruits we could also promise to award a daily prize of $10 to the person who makes it spin the fastest each day.

With these ideas, not only do we make money from the electricity suppliers by selling our electricity to them, but we also make money out of the people generating the electricity for us.

Archie
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post #6 of 9 Old 06-11-2009, 04:14 PM Thread Starter
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Well Archie, it looks like we've gotten ourselves out of a slump. The Royal Arch & Pete Enterprises has moved on from automotive customizing and repair to become a world class energy provider! Move over Shell, RAPE is in town!

Capt. Pete
'79 308 GTS, '82 Jeep CJ7 Jamboree
"Time is what prevents everything from happening all at once."
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post #7 of 9 Old 06-12-2009, 01:12 PM
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Well Pete, if you want to re-launch, I'm up for it. Asia sounds like a good place to base ourselves, and with 3 billion plus people we should be able to find some volunteers to subscribe to our baby gym.

I don't think that there are many health and safety laws or employment laws in Asia, so we might be able to relax the rules a bit..and dumping the toxic waste wont be a problem either, we'll just throw the used daipers into the street. I've been to India a few times and no one there seems to care about how they dispose of waste.

Thinking about that, we might be able to use your maritime connections and recommission for scrap or salvage unwanted nuclear subs, oil tankers and anything else the west doesn't want contaminating it's soil.

Archie
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post #8 of 9 Old 06-12-2009, 03:19 PM
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ya' like Chryslers, Fords, GM anythings.....


Is there stock in RAPE and if so, can I proxy out my involvement?

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post #9 of 9 Old 06-13-2009, 01:37 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Granucci View Post
ya' like Chryslers, Fords, GM anythings.....


Is there stock in RAPE and if so, can I proxy out my involvement?
RAPE runs on a franchise basis. You can use our good name for almost any illegal, immoral or poor quality service industry as long as you pay Pete and I an upfront payment of $100K in cash. After that we only make a very small % charge of 60% of everything you make, but there is a minimum franchise fee of $10K a month. In return, you get to use our good name on all of your marketing. We would provide you with expert technical advice, but as we don't know anything, you are better off just googling any help you need.

Just send your application to Pete, BTW, there is a non refundable application fee of $25K which must accompany your application form.

Archie
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